T.S.A. - Totally Safe in America

As I mentioned in my previous post, in my humble opinion, the folks over at the T.S.A. are not making me feel safer. In fact, I get the feeling my tax dollars are being squandered with the cheery side-effect of inconveniencing me. Here is the letter I sent to Assistant Secretary of Homeland Security for TSA Kenneth Kasprisin. I also copied Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff, Senators Wayne Allard and Ken Salazar, Representative Mark Udall, and President Bush.

Dear Mr. Kasprisin:

My family and I recently returned from a vacation and as one of your constituents, I wanted to voice my displeasure regarding the tactics currently employed under the auspices of ensuring homeland security and express my deep concerns about the state of security in our country in general.
As this was our second consecutive trip where I noticed questionable behavior by Transportation Security Administration staff, I felt compelled to write. I feel that the security instituted by the federal government (in the form of the T.S.A.) is ineffective and therefore merely inconvenient. I cite the following two incidents below as evidence:

At Oakland (CA) International Airport on 4/10/2005 my wife and 1 year old son were singled out for “random”, thorough screening. I have been told this likely occurred because we were traveling on one-way tickets (due to a detour as a result of the blizzard that shut down Denver International Airport). I can sort of understand that a one-way ticket, purchased the same day as travel might trigger some sort of flag (though what would stop a terrorist from buying a round trip ticket and only using half of it?), but then why wasn’t I subjected to additional screening as well? Aren’t the screeners empowered to adjust for situations, like realizing that faced with a family consisting of a man, a woman, and a baby, if the woman and the baby’s boarding passes indicate additional search is required, they should either search the man instead of the baby or search the whole group?
Instead, they physically separated both my wife and I from our son. She had been holding him so naturally he began to cry when he was herded over to the other side of the area and both patted down and wanded.
The part that made my wife and I feel so wronged about the whole process is that this only occurred because we had tried to do the courteous thing in the first place and buy him his own seat so that we wouldn’t be inconveniencing anyone sitting next to us on the plane. Had we taken the cheap way out and booked him as a lap child this wouldn’t have happened.
Once the screeners were convinced that neither my wife nor my son had anything questionable on their persons, it was time to hand search all of our carry-on luggage. I was under the impression that a large chunk of the money allocated by Congress in the wake of September 11th was to be used for new, higher-tech screening equipment and training for the screening personnel. That is why I was surprised that they had to resort to rifling through everything in each of our bags by hand. But if, for whatever reason, it is absolutely necessary to do this, would it be too much to ask to mandate that a fresh pair of gloves are used for each search? If there is no budget for this, perhaps cutting down on the number of screeners per security line from 10 to 8 might provide the necessary funding.

On our most recent trip, we arrived at Ontario International Airport on the morning of 7/14/2005. My wife asked the T.S.A. agent at the metal detector if she had to take off her shoes before going through. The woman responded that if she didn’t she’d be subject to a more thorough search on the other side. My wife, who is pregnant and suffering from morning sickness, did not feel like bending over to remove her shoes, figuring that the “thorough search” would consist of being wanded. So she walked through the metal detector and on the other side was promptly not only wanded and patted down BUT also made to take her shoes off so they could be run through the screening machine. Needless to say, my wife was not amused. If she had been told she would have to take off her shoes either before OR after, she obviously would have done it before, sparing her the more intensive search.
After that episode we collected our things and made our way to the gate and boarded our plane a short time later. It was at this point that it dawned on me that we had not been asked for nor shown our IDs to anyone except at curbside check-in. Had we been traveling with only carry-on baggage, we wouldn’t have shown our IDs to anyone!

These two events, coming just three months apart, have compelled me to write this letter. I am a tax-paying United States citizen. I consider myself a patriot and fairly middle-of-the-road politically. I am really upset with the state of homeland security, at least from my perspective. I think that some hard choices need to be made by those of you in government, who represent all of us. Do you really want to make us all safer? Or is appearing politically correct really so much more important to you that all we can muster is window dressing? Because I really feel like there are a lot of smoke and mirrors being employed here. What does random screening at the airport really accomplish? Either profile aggressively (with apologies to young men of Middle Eastern descent, some of whom I consider my friends) or if that is too hard to sell to your constituents do the fair thing and screen everyone thoroughly. Yes, people will grumble about how much longer it takes to get through security but we will actually be safer. The security being applied currently reeks of a feel-good tactic at the taxpayers’ expense. At a minimum, please standardize the screening process so that a traveler from Denver knows what to expect in L.A. Unfortunately, these ineffective policies are not limited to just the airports.

My family and I relocated to Colorado from California at the end of last year. In my nearly 30 years in California, most of it in southern California, the steady flow of illegal immigrants across the Mexican border was readily apparent. It directly affected the quality of life for legal residents of all ethnicities, as public schools, hospitals, and prisons were overrun with other countries’ citizens. All the while, the state’s taxpayers footed the bill.

I am proud of our country’s history as a land of immigrants and one that takes in the tired, hungry, and poor, but there has to be some structure applied at some point. We have immigration laws and policies and they need to be enforced. If the laws need revision, so be it. But they must be enforced. Do you really think the next batch of foreign terrorists attempting to come to America will do so by air, train, or bus? Why would they risk that when they could instead walk right in from Mexico? For all the talk the Bush administration, and many in Congress, do about national security, I see some gaping holes and conflicting actions. Specifically, what I’ve mentioned about airport security practices, the horrifically porous U.S.-Mexican border, and talk on both sides of the aisle about asylum and worker visa programs for people who are here in our country illegally.

I urge you all to remind yourselves that you are charged with representing the best interests of your fellow American citizens and that the safety of this great country is literally in your hands.

Thank you for your time.

Do you think I'm a little bent about this?! What a fucking mess.. Don't worry - I'll be a little gentler on Disney.

All that glitters is not gold(en)

We got back from vacation late last week. Our triumphant return to California. Though we'd been back once before in April, I don't count that. It was only for a long weekend and was primarily to attend my stepsister's wedding in San Francisco. So this was our first REAL return to Orange County since we moved. Yeah, the same one as in "The OC." Except that we didn't live in Newport. And Chino's not really equivalent to South Central...errr..South L.A. But it does stink pretty badly in the heat. And it was a bit toasty both when we were coming and going from/to Ontario airport.

Anyway, it took me about a day and a half to really feel relaxed and like we were on vacation. I think there was a probably a correlation between that feeling and the fact that I didn't even turn on a computer in that same 36 hour stretch. I seriously cannot recall the last time I went that long without using a computer.

We had a great time visiting all of our family, attending another wedding in San Francisco (this time one of my best friends from high school's), and taking our son to Disneyland. I even got in a round of golf with my father-in-law. Hmmm..Do you think the fact that I played better than usual without a glove, my shoes, and playing with a $5 rental set means anything?!

But almost immediately I knew we had made the right decision to move. I think the freeway is the clincher. It doesn't matter where you go. If you have to go any distance at all you have to get on one of the damn freeways. And there is ALWAYS traffic. To be fair it is not always stop-and-go. But the congestion is ever-present.

We got together with some of our old friends and in the process of catching up on what we'd all been up to, I just started feeling really sorry for them. But only to a point. Afterall, it IS a free country and if you have the desire no one is stopping you from pulling up stakes and hauling ass for greener pastures.

I was kind of surprised, though, that I didn't feel a single pang of longing for our old lives there. We went to the beach, which we never did when we lived there and basically lounged around between our side trips to see family. The weather was very temperate which I like, and the hills were nice to look at. But I live right up against the front range of the fucking Rockies! And the leaves change in the fall, and there is the beautiful snow, but not TOO much of it..And let's not forget the thunderstorms in the summer!

I just don't miss it. Sure, I miss family, but they have been coming to visit regularly, and have plans to continue to do so. I just get more and more convinced that people want to live in California because of either the image or because they don't realize there is a whole country out here, some areas of which have many improvements over the Golden state.

Anyway, I am running out of steam for now but I do want to get to my take on Disneyland and the lovely job those patriots at the T.S.A. are doing in our nation's airports.

It's a free country

I fucking love Colorado. When I look back on the past six months I really have no regrets. I honestly feel bad for those that are living the "American Dream" in California. Last I checked, the American Dream was about being happy and content, two concepts that are hard to find in the Golden State. About the only thing we miss is our families and their proximity. The list of things we don't miss is a bit longer. Namely, commutes on freeways that involved incessant, unrelenting congestion. There is nothing like leaving work at 5PM and getting home (15 miles down the road) at 6:15, all the while enjoying the asshole in front of you's cigarette through your vents. Or how about knowing that if you want to afford your gardener (after all, who in their right mind would want to mow their own lawn?), your two car payments (who the fuck would buy a used car?!), your retirement contribution, and maybe a vacation, both you and your significant other will HAVE to work. If you have children, this necessitates day care, which certainly is not cheap. But, you say, it means I can live in So Cal, where the beach is nearby and the people and the climate are beautiful. I have news for you..This is all true. IF..you think plastic surgery is beautiful, and if you even go to the beach. What So Cal is mostly about is image. As in, "I am fucking tough..I have a Range Rover with brush guards. OK, so I probably will not drive it to the Sahara or the outback. But some asshole at Bed, Bath, and Beyond might accidentally leave a shopping cart in the space I want to park in." Or "I need to buy a Hummer because it is the biggest vehicle on the market which means I can feed my kids more

McDonald's and still fit their fat asses in the car than if I had a suburban." I guess what I'm getting at is the overwhelming feeling I got that people were more intent on what they needed to get than what they currently had. Things in Colorado are a little different.

People are nice. You don't get the feeling that when you are filling up at the gas station, the guy next to you is sizing you up. People that work in convenience stores and in toll booths seem genuinely happy to see you. The air is clean. The water out of the tap tastes like Coors Light. The population is small enough that changes can and do occur in the state's political balance of power. Colorado is a swing state, which means the candidates from the two dominant national political parties at least act as if they give a shit about the place. But mostly what matters, in my estimation, is that when I sit out on my back deck at sunset, the light is reminiscent of a sepia photo and the temperature is what I hope the thermostat in heaven is set to (assuming such a place exists and I am invited). I have an unobstructed view of Table Mountain to the south and the Front Range to the west and I have air that doesn't taste like half a million cars going 5 miles an hour for 7 hours a day. I have a drive to work that is 15 minutes each way. It is 15 minutes long because it is a distance of 13 miles and there are a handful of stoplights along the way. And because sometimes I drive a little under the speed limit when I'm passing the golf course that is 5 minutes from my house. The golf course that happens to be owned by the city, has 27 holes, costs under $50 for primetime, and has conditions and scenery that would easily cost $100 in So Cal. Oh and did I mention that my drive to work involves no highways, freeways, toll ways, or thruways? Just a handful of country roads.

My wife and I assessed our situation last summer. Housing prices out of hand. A painful commute to a job with no real potential for me. Part-time work for her, to supplement my income, but allow her to spend most of her time with our young son. And not a whole hell of a lot of optimism that life would ever get easier for us. So I could go back to consulting. That would solve the money issue. But my wife would effectively be a single mom four days a week and I would miss out on my son's rapid development. Or we could move, cashing out the equity we'd amassed, freeing my wife from the need to work, and giving me a new start at a job I didn't hate. But this would involve leaving family and the comfort of the vicinity we'd both grown up in. We meticulously fleshed out all the factors and determined that the opportunity was one that might not present itself again, at least not anytime soon. We decided on a course of action, one that introduced prerequisites that would severely limit the downside. And we followed that plan, slowly and deliberately, but most importantly, successfully.

And you know what? We do miss our family, but that was a given. The fact that we only drive on the freeway now to pick up and drop off visitors at the airport is an allegory for what our lives now are not about. Stress, the rat race, and neighborly materialistic competitive bullshit are some of the things now absent from our lives. Instead, we are surrounded by nice people, who do all manner of things for a living, and who don't give a shit where we are from, what cars we drive, or how we vote, but instead like our son's adventurous nature, enjoy the calming sounds of our water feature in the backyard, and even like our colored concrete that was supposed to be "kahlua" but turned out purple.

I strongly suggest to everyone that you take an objective (or whatever is as realistically close as you can get to objective) look at where you live. Are you there because you truly want to be? Or are you there for other reasons? Have you been shamed into staying somewhere or are you where you are because it is undoubtedly always easier to maintain the status quo rather than institute change? If you don't love where you are, consider moving. Within the confines of the United States alone there are a hell of a lot of places to live. The positive side of the commercial homogenization that has dropped a Starbucks on every corner, and a Home Depot and Borders in every town is that familiarity of some sort is present wherever you go. However, the unique aspects of each corner of our great country provide you with the opportunity to seek out a characteristic that is notably lacking in your present place of residence. Do you love the mountains? Do you love the ocean? Do you love southern charm? Do you love East Coast history? Well, you know what? Pay these places a visit. Between Southwest, JetBlue, and Frontier, you can probably find a reasonable flight from wherever you are presently to wherever you'd like to check out. Embrace Independence Day by acknowledging your freedom to improve your situation.